“I don’t believe in ghosts.”
“Why?”
“Because it doesn’t make any sense.”
“What?”
“Everything.”
“About ghosts?”
“No, everything about everything.”
“OK, so you’re saying you don’t believe in anything?”
“Kind of, but mostly ghosts.”
“So you like to pick on ghosts?”
“They just never appear.”
“They do to a lot of people.”
“But people who are drunk. Or high. Or a little stupid.”
“My Dad saw a ghost.”
“Well, he was probably drunk.”
“He doesn’t drink.”
“Or high.”
“He doesn’t get high.”
“Well, I’m just saying that I don’t care about ghosts. There’s other things. Like wars.”
“Which turn people into ghosts.”
“Yeah, they would. If ghosts were real, but ghosts are nothing. You know how someone says they’re going to ‘ghost’ you. What’s that mean? It means you’ll never hear from them again. That’s what ghosts are. Just nothingness. They bore me.”
“That’s probably why they don’t appear to you.”
“Why? Ghosts only like to appear to people who get scared?”
“I’ll give an example. I used to work at a haunted house. Years ago. I was a scare-actor. And you’d see the customers coming. We had slots. In the wood. So we could see the group coming before they saw us. And so there would be people who looked really scared, so, of course, I’d scare the crap out of them. Then there’d be other groups who looked like they were having no fun. Like a group of tough guys. And I’d just let them pass. I wouldn’t even pop out. Because I didn’t want to deal with them.”
“So you’re saying ghosts are like that?”
“Kind of.”
“So I should be scared more?”
“Maybe. Why? Do you want to see a ghost?”
“I mean, if they’re real, sure. But they’re not. I think it’s all fake.”
“Yeah, everybody thinks everything’s fake nowadays.”
“I just wish it was the old days. I wish we didn’t have computers or lights or anything tech. I think the world was amazing back then. I think every night was nothing but horror. But I can turn the lights on any time I want now. It feels like, if ghosts are real, they’re just scared of technology.”
“Maybe.”
“I wish there was a hat that said MAKE AMERICA GHOST AGAIN.”
“You Republican?”
“No, I hate both parties. And there’s only two parties. I wish it was the old days when it was like the Federalists and the Democratic-Republican hybrid and the Whig Party. The Whig Party used to dominate. They had like three or four different Presidents that were Whig. And then just disappeared. I wish we could bring the Whig Party back. Back then when everybody was wearing wigs. And all those old Presidents look like ghosts in their photos.”
“You mean paintings?”
“Whatever. Andrew Jackson looks like pure Dracula. Martin Van Buren looks like he was a serial killer. One of those guys looked just like Ichabod Crane. I can’t remember his name. It was one of those Presidents who everybody forgets, but he looked straight out of Sleepy Hollow. I wish we were in the old days when life was full of terror. It’s so boring now. It’s like we do mass shootings because we don’t know how to have simple Frankenstein lives anymore. It’s like everybody’s seen the Saw franchise, so it takes basically torture to get the slightest bit of fear out of us. I’m bored with horror and technology. I wish it was back in the day when you’d never left your hometown in your whole entire life and you, like, believed that trolls actually exist. I’d give anything to be that naïve and gullible.”
“Maybe you should just move to Antarctica. Go somewhere really remote.”
“I think you’re right. I think if you’re in a cabin in the woods you’ll probably start seeing some ghosts. Maybe ghosts are just terrified of cities.”
“I know I am.”
“Word.”
We bump fists. He walks away from me, down the alley. I watch him walk away.
The world’s gloaming.
I squint my eyes. I try to imagine the streetlights as ghosts.
Ron Riekki has been awarded a 2014 Michigan Notable Book, 2015 The Best Small Fictions, 2016 Shenandoah Fiction Prize, 2016 IPPY Award, 2019 Red Rock Film Fest Award, 2019 Best of the Net finalist, 2020 Dracula Film Festival Vladutz Trophy, 2019 Très Court International Film Festival Audience Award and Grand Prix, 2020 Rhysling Anthology inclusion, and 2022 Pushcart Prize. Right now, Riekki’s listening to El-P’s “Deep Space 9mm.”