B,

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Do you remember that night on the retreat, where we stayed up late sitting out on the porch? The kids were all asleep. Do you remember how everything felt alright for a while?

The stars were out. It was the first time I had seen them since I moved to the city. We had only known each other for like three weeks.

I’ve been thinking about everything that came after. Making love in your room under the glow of your Christmas lights. How you cried and I held you until you stopped shaking. Our argument in the park, and how I apologized and how it wasn’t enough. How all around us were people enjoying themselves, skating and playing volleyball, happy.

But on that night, we were close. We were in it together. You put your chin on my shoulder and cried because the day had been so hard and we hadn’t had time to breathe. And you hugged me and it was like we were one for a moment, like there was barely anything separating us, just a thin wall, just our skin. And the night was just starting to get cool but it wasn’t cold. And we watched the flashlights going by on the path, so dim that we weren’t sure if they were real. They could have been kids sneaking out, or nightwatchmen, or ghosts. And we worried that someone would see us with my arm around you and we would have to hide.

So much has happened since then. And sometimes I feel this blackness inside me. Like the winter night is sapping all the heat from my body and making me shiver and shiver and be unable to stop. Has so much time really passed? Has the summer really ended? And it makes me wonder if the night will end.

I wrote a poem that I never finished, and the first line was “I know that I’m in love because I’m afraid.” And I thought then, love is stronger than fear. Love will overcome fear. It has to. And I kissed you as the cold was coming in.

Ed King is a writer based in Colorado. His stories can be found in the Colorado’s Emerging Writers series, Synchronized Chaos, and Cultured Vultures; his plays have been performed in China, and his storytelling has been featured on KUNC. He wants to write stories that broaden the possibilities for joy in life. He is sometimes successful.